Something Truly to be Thankful For

Well, I'm now about 5 lbs. heavier from the overindulgences of the holiday yesterday. Between food and drink, I'd estimate 7,000 to 10,000 calories would be about right. Or would be so wrong!!!

I had a wonderful time with family yesterday, and somehow managed to FINALLY slow things down for a few hours and just enjoy life. Just really take things in. I had one of those life-galvanizing moments yesterday, and it all came from a videotape....

My holiday was spent at the house of my Aunt and Uncle, where we traditionally spend several "holidays" each year. Recently, our area had a good deal of flooding from one of the tropical depressions (former hurricane) that passed through. We received 9-11 inches of rain in a 24-36 hour period, and many people, including my Aunt and Uncle, had significant flooding in their basements. While many things were ruined, one of the items salvaged from a rather waterlogged box was a simple videotape. One that turned out to be 17 years old, and chronicled 2 hours of events in my family history from the year 1988 - Labor day weekend party at my same Uncle's house, Thanksgiving at my old house in Mohnton, and Christmas at my Uncle's house. The first thing that struck me about this tape, is that it was 17 years old, which is exactly 1/2 of my age of 34, meaning literally it was one half of my life ago. The other oddity was that the tape had time and date stamps on the playback, and Thanksgiving from 1988 was on November 24 - the same date as this year. Not exactly earthshattering facts, but I found them interesting, nonetheless.

As the tape played through the various holidays, I realized that my brother was about 3 1/2 years old in the video, the same age as my son is now. As I watched and listened to him, I was absolutely HAUNTED by the similarities in his behaviors and my son's. It was almost like watching Brandon in another body. And the fact that part of it took place in my old home, a home that Brandon lived in for 1 1/2 years, well, it was a bit eerie.

I also watched myself on tape.... 17 years old.... I just was starting my Senior year of high school in the beginning of the tape, and had just gotten my braces off about 2 weeks before the start of it. I was just starting as captain of the Cross Country team, and weighed about 113 lbs.! I was polite on tape, but had that "teenager attitude" going for me, which was funny to see, and a bit embarrassing, too! As I watched myself and my family from 17 years back, my laughter turned a bit to melencholy, and then to a tinge of sadness as I realized that so much had changed since then. I watched as my mom and stepfather got along so great, and functioned so admirably as husband and wife, mother and father. (they divorced 3 years ago). I watched as my little brother played with our cousins, Mike and Dave, and they were so fascinated by simple Ghostbuster toys, and toy cars and trucks and things like that, and hadn't a care in the world. (Mike and Dave are in/pursuing graduate studies, and my brother is entering culinary school, each in their 20's now). Tears streamed freely down my face as I watched my grandmother, my last living grandparent and resident in my home for 15 years. As I listened to her talking to everyone. Laughing. Helping my cousin open one of his Christmas presents. Brightening the room just by her sheer presence. (She died several years later from a massive stroke in 1993). I was shocked, stunned and devistated by just how simple things seemed back then, and how much happier we all seemed. We had a floor model wooden framed TV that sat directly on the ground, and used a single cable with NO CABLEBOX. There was no DVD player....no VCR....certainly no DVR to catch up with shows. Our furniture was simple, but efficient. Sofa, loveseat, recliner, and rocker. Several table lamps. We had one of the first commercial microwave ovens, though!!! It took up nearly the entire side counter in the kitchen. Our cars were basic, at best. What really struck me, though, was for the nearly 2 hours of tape, including three holidays, the tape was filled with CONVERSATION. People sitting at a kitchen or dining room table, or in a living room, TALKING to each other. Sharing stories. Not surfing the internet. Not listening to an iPod. Not watching movies on TV. The only time on the tape that the television was even a remote distraction was during the football games on Thanksgiving. (Hey, some things never change!). But overall, it was a scene of people tuning into their family members. Their BLOOD. Instead of tuning into multi-media blitzing sound and video clips. You watched that video and you could tell that everyone on there LOVED each other unconditionally. That we were willing to slow things down and give our time and attention to each other, because that's what really mattered. Today it seems like everything is moving so fast that there isn't enough time to just slow down and enjoy things. Everyone has to put their kids on two soccer teams, in a karate class, a dance class, girl/boy scouts, etc., all at the same time. Families don't even have time to enjoy dinner together anymore. It's all about being on the go 24/7. And if you don't keep up with everyone else, you'll be left behind somehow. It's a really truly sad state of affairs for this country of ours. Middle class, suburban America has stolen so many souls, and I'm part of it now, and it both scares and saddens me in a way. I need to remember my roots, and remember how to LIVE. Not through material things, or technology, but through family and love. For every year we get a little older... a little slower... a little grayer. And the family becomes smaller and more distant through life events like death, divorce, and relocation. We can never get these days back. And perhaps the most heart-wrenching lesson from the video is that our children, the ones we love with ALL of our heart, soul and being..... eventually grow up and move on. Every day I have an option to play with Brandon and his trucks, or continue reading my newspaper or working on the computer for my second job. And a day will come when Brandon doesn't WANT me to play with him anymore. And my heart, like those before me, will shatter... and I'll have to pick up the pieces and move on.

So I'm making my New Year's resolution early this year: I'm going to slow my life down. I'm going to focus on the things that truly matter (my family, my son), vs. the things that seem important in today's society (putting in more hours on a job to get more money to buy more material things, keeping up with the Joneses). I'm going to try, because we only have so many finite days to live on this Earth with those we love and those who love us.

Try to embrace just a bit of the past...

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